Throw Your Stuff Off the Plane by Art Horn

Author:Art Horn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dundurn
Published: 2017-10-31T04:00:00+00:00

My colleague correctly said I have a paunch and that pretty much by definition I consume more calories than I expend. True and true. I don’t need her to acknowledge a causal relationship between her words and my offence, but I would appreciate an acknowledgement that the meaning of her words corre­lates in some way with my experience of them. The same goes for my client who suggested his colleague should “chill out” because her employees were getting “jumpy.” My client’s view was that he was being honest and, despite his glib choice of words, he was giving good advice. What the recipient of the advice wanted to hear was that my client played a role in her becoming upset. He was insensitive to her feelings. He took no responsi­bility for them. When he finally got his head around the idea from some outside perspective that he did indeed play a role in her distress, he found a way to genuinely say, among other things itemized in the list below, “I’m sorry for my choice of words. They were hurtful and unwarranted.”

Research has shown that effective apologies contain eight elements:

Using the words I’m sorry

Acknowledgement that you erred

Explaining how you’ll fix the situation

Describing what happened, and being sure not to attribute respon­sibility elsewhere

Promising to improve in the exact area of the offence

Ensuring the person sees that you know precisely how you hurt or offended him or her

Expressing that you were wrong

Asking for forgiveness4

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